im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
