After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
