my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
