so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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