im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
