One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize