just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize