Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
