new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
