You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
