I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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