He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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