Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
