I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
