You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize