Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
