If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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