I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
