My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
