found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
