oh fat girl friday strikes again...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize