Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
