Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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