I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
