I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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