i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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