i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
