If i come over, it means nothing
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
