I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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