NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
