Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
