i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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