please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
