I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I lost the right to judge tonight
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize