How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
