brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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