They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The Olympian is in my bed
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
