Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
