I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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