I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
