Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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