Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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