I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
