I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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