Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Randomize
