she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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