I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So vagazzling was a success
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
