Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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