So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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