when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
