Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
