I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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