Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
