the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize