I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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