No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
