Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
