It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So many bounce houses so little time
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
