I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize