Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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