I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
