I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
