Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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