we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
