What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize