I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
