You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
