Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
