youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
