Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
