evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
