I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
