ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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