I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
