It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
